The Job Search (but with less optimism)

If you have been keeping up with me on Facebook you will know that I am deep in the search for a new job. I will have to admit that I had forgotten how difficult the search can be and how miserable it can make me feel. When I began the process I was feeling fairly optimistic as there were 8 Language Arts positions opening up in my current school district and I knew people on all 3 of the hiring committees. I had been told that it is all about who you know in these kinds of situations, and through Speech and Debate I have been able to do a fair amount of networking. Unfortunately, this has not seemed to help all that much thus far. Of the 3 schools hiring in Ft. Collins, only 2 of them offered me an interview, removing half of the 8 positions from my search. Then, yesterday, I called the first school I had interviewed at to find out that those 3 had already been filled.

So now I am waiting to hear from the final high school (in Fort Collins) that still might have an opening for me. I have to admit that I felt GREAT about that interview when I left. I walked out of there and called everyone I knew to tell them that I had knocked every single question out of the park and that I really felt that I was starting to get the hang of this interview thing. I think that the people on that committee got a true sense of who I am based on my personality and the way I answered the questions they asked. As I left the interview I was able to leave my portfolio with the committee so that they could read the letters of recommendation written on my behalf as well as look over some of my teaching materials in order to give them an idea of who I am as a teacher.

But now I am feeling down and out. Why, you ask? The assistant principal assured me that they were hoping to make a decision quickly and that I should hear something Monday. Today is Wednesday and my phone is still not ringing. I have almost given up hope, though I am trying to remember what a great feeling I had when leaving that interview. My hope is that they are trying to check my references or that they were held up in their decision making process. I have called the school (Tuesday afternoon) and was forced to leave a voice mail for the assistant principal. I am, of course, anxious to hear from him, but frightened as well. None of the other districts seem to be posting Language Arts positions at this time, though John keeps reminding me that it is still very early. School isn't even out yet.

This is such a bad situation for one's self esteem. I keep telling myself that I am a good teacher and that schools would be lucky to have someone like me who cares about students as much as I do. My students keep coming to me, now that we are nearing the end of our journey together, to tell me how much they enjoyed my class and that I am one of their favorite teachers this year. I feel dedicated to the teaching profession and know that this is what I am meant to do with my life. I am a teacher. But how can you keep our head up when people choose not to hire you? How can I not take it personally? I have networked and I have been myself, and it isn't enough. I am starting to feel dread and doubt, and I am not sleeping (it is 5:30 a.m. and I usually sleep till at least 6). How do you stay optimistic and keep a positive attitude when you are being told, you are not good enough to teach here?

So far I have been doing a great deal of praying. I pray when I make dinner, and before I go to bed, and when I am driving. I pray when I am trying to sleep and when I am giving a test. Even as I blog I am mindful of God and His plan for me. I know that He will lead me where I am supposed to be in His time, not mine. And if I will just get out of His way, He will lead me. It is the only way I have found to maintain ANY kind of peace in my life, though as you can tell it hasn't give me all that much peace just yet (probably more my fault than God's). I am also trying to just keep my thoughts positive. If I am open to anything so that I will be ready when my opportunity presents itself.

So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. (And if you hear of English teacher positions, send them my way). Hopefully I will have something more optimistic to share with you soon.

Oh, and my transmission in my car went out too... why again am I feeling down? More on that later!