The Job Search (but with less optimism)

If you have been keeping up with me on Facebook you will know that I am deep in the search for a new job. I will have to admit that I had forgotten how difficult the search can be and how miserable it can make me feel. When I began the process I was feeling fairly optimistic as there were 8 Language Arts positions opening up in my current school district and I knew people on all 3 of the hiring committees. I had been told that it is all about who you know in these kinds of situations, and through Speech and Debate I have been able to do a fair amount of networking. Unfortunately, this has not seemed to help all that much thus far. Of the 3 schools hiring in Ft. Collins, only 2 of them offered me an interview, removing half of the 8 positions from my search. Then, yesterday, I called the first school I had interviewed at to find out that those 3 had already been filled.

So now I am waiting to hear from the final high school (in Fort Collins) that still might have an opening for me. I have to admit that I felt GREAT about that interview when I left. I walked out of there and called everyone I knew to tell them that I had knocked every single question out of the park and that I really felt that I was starting to get the hang of this interview thing. I think that the people on that committee got a true sense of who I am based on my personality and the way I answered the questions they asked. As I left the interview I was able to leave my portfolio with the committee so that they could read the letters of recommendation written on my behalf as well as look over some of my teaching materials in order to give them an idea of who I am as a teacher.

But now I am feeling down and out. Why, you ask? The assistant principal assured me that they were hoping to make a decision quickly and that I should hear something Monday. Today is Wednesday and my phone is still not ringing. I have almost given up hope, though I am trying to remember what a great feeling I had when leaving that interview. My hope is that they are trying to check my references or that they were held up in their decision making process. I have called the school (Tuesday afternoon) and was forced to leave a voice mail for the assistant principal. I am, of course, anxious to hear from him, but frightened as well. None of the other districts seem to be posting Language Arts positions at this time, though John keeps reminding me that it is still very early. School isn't even out yet.

This is such a bad situation for one's self esteem. I keep telling myself that I am a good teacher and that schools would be lucky to have someone like me who cares about students as much as I do. My students keep coming to me, now that we are nearing the end of our journey together, to tell me how much they enjoyed my class and that I am one of their favorite teachers this year. I feel dedicated to the teaching profession and know that this is what I am meant to do with my life. I am a teacher. But how can you keep our head up when people choose not to hire you? How can I not take it personally? I have networked and I have been myself, and it isn't enough. I am starting to feel dread and doubt, and I am not sleeping (it is 5:30 a.m. and I usually sleep till at least 6). How do you stay optimistic and keep a positive attitude when you are being told, you are not good enough to teach here?

So far I have been doing a great deal of praying. I pray when I make dinner, and before I go to bed, and when I am driving. I pray when I am trying to sleep and when I am giving a test. Even as I blog I am mindful of God and His plan for me. I know that He will lead me where I am supposed to be in His time, not mine. And if I will just get out of His way, He will lead me. It is the only way I have found to maintain ANY kind of peace in my life, though as you can tell it hasn't give me all that much peace just yet (probably more my fault than God's). I am also trying to just keep my thoughts positive. If I am open to anything so that I will be ready when my opportunity presents itself.

So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. (And if you hear of English teacher positions, send them my way). Hopefully I will have something more optimistic to share with you soon.

Oh, and my transmission in my car went out too... why again am I feeling down? More on that later!

The Job Search

So I have not had the opportunity to share this just yet, but most close friends know that I am on the search for a new job. Unbeknownst to me, I signed a 1 year only contract when I began work at Poudre, and, due to budget issues, I am not being offered a job there next year. I am sad to leave this home I have made for myself, but, alas, nothing can be done. So now I have begun the job search. Strangely enough, in these sad times, every other high school in the district posted several Language Arts openings. Rocky posted 4, Fort Collins posted 1, and Fossil Ridge posted 3. I think the odds are in my favor to stay in the district, but who knows.

So I put in applications for each opening and Friday I finally heard back from the first. And they move fast! I had an interview this afternoon at Fossil Ridge High School, and I think it went very well. After last year I began to think that I did not have great interviewing skills after the million interviews I was invited to, none of which resulted in an offer (except for Poudre). My department chair says that I am a great interview, and I suppose she would know. On the upside, this year I have something going for me that I did not have last year... connections. When I walked into that interview, 3 of the 4 people sitting at the table had heard great things about me already. A good friend at work did his student teaching with the department chair (so he emailed him a nice recommendation) and another friend emailed a close friend of hers who was also on the committee. Also, I was told that the assistant principal had already called to check my references on Friday afternoon, which makes me a bit optomistic! Is it too soon for optomism?

The biggest problem of all... at the interview they told me they were hoping to have an answer for us by the 3rd week in May. 3 weeks??? Really??? But you did all of your interviews this evening! I can understand that you don't have an answer today or tomorrow... but 3 weeks? that seems a bit long... But seriously, with 3 openings, here's hoping I can make the cut for at least one of them. (But don't put to much pressure on this one interview... uh huh... riiiight.)

Well, one down, at least 2 more to go... wish me luck.

"We need two T.V.s"

As many things as John and I can agree on, what we watch on t.v. is not one of them. I will admit that this has been a problem for a little while now, but we have been forging through thanks to our DVR. We have learned to humor the other as long as possible, but there are just some things that John will not watch and tonight I learned that there is at least one thing that I will not watch. John HATES reality t.v. while I watch a great deal of it: American Idol, The Bachelor, America's Next Top Model, So You Think You Can Dance, Project Runway, Top Chef... I know I'm missing some. John watches anything on the history channel, Mythbusters, shows about big machines, shows about blowing things up, Nascar, American Dad, King of the Hill, Family Guy, and the Simpsons. I enjoy the cartoons to a certain extent, and I like Nascar now that I have a couple of favorite drivers, and have a prettygood understanding of the sport, but sometimes I hit my limit and cannot watch another show that makes fun of everything. Tonight a new show premiered after the Simpsons, something called "Sit Down Shut Up." Its set in a high school and makes fun of high school teachers and administration (or at least it did for the grand total of 15 min. that I could stand it). I know you think I didn't like it due to the subject matter, but really, that had nothing to do with it. I didn't like the fact that the humor was low and I thought of it as kinda lame, not funny at all. John, however, thinks it has potential and wants to see if it will get better. See where we hit a disconnect?

I know you are thinking, "no big deal." Especially since John voluntarily leaves the room so that I can watch whatever I want. The problem? My love language is primarily Quality Time so when John leaves, I almost take it personally. I don't even want to watch the show anymore and become worried that John is mad, then angry that he won't just sit and hang out with me while I watch it, especially since I do a great deal of that for John. Only this most recent show has truly turned my stomach enough to make me want to get up and leave. Seems petty... I want to have my cake and eat it too. But there is hope. John says there is an Asian inventor that has developed a T.V. that shows a different picture depending on where you are sitting. All you need is some ear phones so that you hear only your sound. Sounds great, depending on how far apart we have to sit. Plus it feels like we are still separated, even though we will be sitting in the same room. I guess nothing is perfect. Any ideas? And don't worry... my marriage is not in trouble (mom).

First Blizzard Ever

Last Thursday I took part in my first blizzard ever. I would have been very excited about staying inside and enjoying the view, but I had to venture out to go observe one of my UNC students in Greeley, about a 30 min. drive from the house on a good day. Knowing the drive would be a little treacherous, I left the house an hour before I needed to be there, hoping that would give me plenty of time. As it happens, my drive took almost exactly one hour and I arrived just in time. As I observed my little wanna-be teacher, I kept glancing out of the window at the swirling, falling, accumulating snow, worrying about how I was going to get out of there.

I left the school 15 minutes before the end of the period, thinking that I was going to have to drive to Ft. Collins, a normal 45 min. trip, in an hour and a half. I think God must have been smiling down on me because after battling the middle school parents in the parking lot for 15 min., I found out that my school had been closed for the afternoon and I would only have to drive home! Unfortunately, that drive turned into a one hour and 45 min. drive instead of the regular 30 min. In between Greeley and Loveland the wind picked up and I was in a complete white out. Snow blowing sideways brought visibility down to less than a 1/4 mile and ice on the road made anything over 30 miles an hour dangerous. I was almost rear-ended 3 times by a truck following to close to me, and twice by a City of Loveland bus that could not control its speed. In 4 wheel drive I slipped around on the ice more than once, not something that is easy to do. Luckily, I arrived at home safely and stayed in for the remainer of that day and the next.

John left home at 6:30 that morning to go plow snow for work. He said they received more than a foot of snow in Boulder, and he plowed from about 7:15 a.m. to about 6 p.m. He stayed overnight with his boss and then returned to work at 1 a.m. and plowed until about 9:30 a.m. When he got home Friday at around 10:30 we both took a nap! The only thing I wish we had done is play around in the snow! Maybe when John hasn't been plowing all night we can go out and enjoy the winter wonderland.

Death in the Family

This morning my phone rang at about 7 a.m. and it was my mother. She had called last night and left a message, but I didn't call her back, thinking that she was calling because it has been a few days since the last time we talked. Instead, I found out that my Aunt Beverly passed away last Monday. She had been suffering from cancer for as long as I can remember, though I do not know if the cancer she had 10 years ago is the same cancer she suffered from recently. All in all, I know that that this death was a blessing because it was quick; not the long, drawn out, painful death the family had been expecting.

This morning when I got the news I was not surprised; in fact, I am still unsure how to feel. I was not all that close to Aunt Beverly, but she was always very kind to me and Renee. She was the second wife of my favorite uncle, who passed away about 3 years ago, and she continued to be very generous to me and my sister, even after Uncle Larry died. I am definitely thankful for the fact that she was sparred the pain we were expecting, but I am sad and concerned about her only daughter, my cousin Shelia. She can definitely take care of herself. She is self-reliant and pragmatic and has been preparing herself for this for a long time. I guess the thing I am most confused about is what to do now. Aunt Beverly did not want a funeral, so there is no where to go and pay my respects. She was cremated yesterday and wants her ashes to be spread in Mississippi where she was raised. As a catholic, this throws me for a loop. When someone passes away we go to mass, we say a rosary, we send flowers... we go through the motions that allow us to feel as if we are saying good-bye to the deceased and, at the same time, doing something to show our support for the bereaved family. But in this instance, I can't do any of those things. I can't go to a mass or say a rosary because Aunt Beverly wasn't catholic. I know can send flowers to Shelia or make a donation to the American Cancer Foundation in Aunt Beverly's name, but without a funeral I feel a little weird. Renee and I are going to send flowers together, and I am going to send a sympathy card today, but it still doesn't feel like enough.

Recently (as in last week), Aunt Bevery had decided to move to Oregon to be with Shelia and her husband Mark. Shelia moved a couple of years ago and wanted Aunt Beverly to move with her then, but Aunt Beverly didn't want to go. As they were packing everything up last week Jim, Uncle Larry's oldest son, drove in from North Carolina to "help" though he did little packing. Instead he canvased the house to decide what he wanted and to ask about what kind of money he and his siblings might be receiving after Aunt Beverly passed. As a child I looked up to Jim. I thought he was fun and cool, but as I have grown up I have realized what an ass he is. All of this stuff with Aunt Beverly has really made me realize how selfish and unreliable he is. I told John that whle Jim is a fun person to go drink with or co hang out with, as a supportive, reliable, role-model, he sucks!

I know that Jim is such a small part of this situation, but my emotion towards him is something concrete that I can latch onto. I know how I feel about him, which distracts me from the ambigious way I feel about Aunt Beverly's death.

I guess thats enough ranting for now. Until next time.

Busy Life

Do you ever feel like you are running a race and people keep moving the finish line on you? As many people have learned (and come to love) about me, I am a planner. I like to know what is coming up and how I am going to accomplish said goal. Seem rigid? I know... I am a bit of a control freak, especially within my own life. I just turned 28 a week or so ago and that internal clock inside my head (the one that says "family, family, family, family") has started to sound more like a grandfather clock than a wrist watch. Poor John has started to be bombarded by talk about children and the idea of me being a stay at home mom, something I have always wanted. Unfortunately, the economy has taken a dive and it feels as if I will never get to that place I am searching for. Just the other day I had my yearly "well woman" exam and even my doctor knows its getting to be about that time; he asked what my plans were for starting a family. (Again, poor John) I told him we were thinking about "trying" in about a year and a half... wow that sounds close (but also far off). As I was leaving the appointment my doctor gave me a pamphlet called "Planning Your Pregnancy," which is full of very interesting and helpful advice about how to get ready during the months prior to getting pregnant.

But before I can run off towards my goal of being a full time mommy, we have to consider the money, or lack there of. Until this week we thought something had come along that might allow us to both be stay at home parents while building our future, but that was not to be in our cards. Instead, we are looking at a more realistic plan. ie. Show the Plan! and Be Patient! and Be Realistic! Want to help us and yourself? Buy your household goods from us instead of Target! We sell everything from toilet paper to makeup to dvd players. We also have a partnership with stores you know and shop from all the time (so do it through our website instead of just through theirs!)
www.atherton.mychoices.biz

Good products delivered right to your door! Come on! Who would you rather support, a multi million dollar corporation or your friends and family who are trying to make a better life for themselves and their future family?

Love to you all!

Sick Sick Sick

Until this year I considered myself to be a fairly healthy person. I am usually not sick and tend to use my "sick days" as "mental health" days or "just for fun" days. This year I have had two pretty bad colds, I think they are only colds, that have made it almost impossible to get out of bed in the morning. I am currently suffering from what I can only understand as a chest cold since my chest hurts every time I cough. In fact, I have developed a sore throat due to that terrible cough. It is almost a bit of a dry heave cough... gross and weird, I know.

They always say that when you start teaching at a new school you are sick more often because you are exposed to a whole new set of germs. I guess I never really believed that until now. And I blame the rug-rats I teach. They come into my classroom and complain about being sick, and then cough on me or my desk. My response? If you are sick, go home and don't infect the rest of us who can't take off as many days as we would like. There are no rules in the school about how many days a student MUST attend in order to receive credit for the course. In fact, I have had students miss as many as 10 days, all excused by mom and dad of course, and then expect me to catch them up. "I haven't been here for a week. Did I miss anything?" So now that I am sick I am irritable. "Nope, since you were gone we did nothing!" Sometimes I think that when I am in a bad mood I should be excused from teaching.

Morale of this post: Being sick is not fun and forces a great deal more work on the teacher (I have to grade the work I assign while I am gone). My being sick is the entire fault of my grubby, disease ridden students, who I think should be germ tested before entering the school...

Wish me health!